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[sai_delgado]

After speaking with the Dream-lord earlier, Susan had returned to her room soon afterwards-- with a child in her arms.

Now she is settled on the small couch in her room, rocking the sleepy Derry and singing a soft lullabye.

And if Susan is thinking of a baby that she herself might once have had, there's no sign of it save for the wistfulness in her glance.

Comments

[key-youth-bert.livejournal.com]

Cuthbert never got his hat back from Susan earlier.

That is completely why he's knocking on her door this late at night.

...Shut up.

[sai_delgado]

She breaks off the melody to look up at the knock, and then looks back down at the nearly-sleeping baby. Instead of moviing, she calls out softly, but clearly,

"Come in-- it's not locked, say true."

[key-youth-bert.livejournal.com]

Cuthbert opens the door, steps in--and stops short, staring.

Susan is holding a baby.

Well. That's new.

[sai_delgado]

"Goodeven, 'Bert," she says-- and stills, oh aye, as she sees his shock.

Derry stirs in her arms and fusses a little, and Susan looks down hastily, rocking her again. "Shh now, thee are well, dear--"

[key-youth-bert.livejournal.com]

"Susan." He steps the rest of the way into the room, closing the door behind him, and then crosses to the sofa. "You've...got a baby."

[sai_delgado]

"This is Derry," she tells him, looking up again. "She's sai Mania's-- Delirium's daughter, do'ee ken?"

It's worth noting, to someone not stunned by the sudden appearance of a child, that Susan's name for Del is different, mayhap, than what others would use-- because it were the one Desire told her, oh aye.

Her smile is a little rueful. "Edmund and his friend Kitty were looking after her, because sai Mania left her with him and Edmund were telling me of it, and I-- I offered to help sometime, if help were needed."

"And -- it seems it were."

[key-youth-bert.livejournal.com]

Cuthbert looks as though he's having a bit of a hard time processing this.

Part of it is startlement at walking in and seeing Susan with a baby. Part of it is boggling at the idea of Delerium having a child. And part of it is...Susan holding a baby.

Then, he shakes himself out of it, and sits down beside her, smiling. "How long do we have her for?"

The 'we' is automatic, unthinking. Possibly even unrealized.

[sai_delgado]

Unrealized by him, but not by her-- and oh, but she'd not expected, nor even thought, nor dared to think, mayhap.

A beat, as Susan looks up at him-- and then she smiles, bright and shining, and says softly,

"For a day-- tonight and tomorrow. I'm-- we're-- to give her to the next babysitter tomorrow evening late-- Edmund and Kitty found people for a week, I think, one for each day."

[key-youth-bert.livejournal.com]

Cuthbert reaches out and strokes a finger down Derry's cheek lightly, still smiling. "She's a beauty, isn't she."

And something about Susan with a baby falling asleep in her arms just seems...right, somehow.

[sai_delgado]

"Aye-- thee say true," Susan agrees, looking up at him with a soft smile as he watches the sleeping Derry.

[key-youth-bert.livejournal.com]

"Can I--" He hesitates, then continues. "Can I hold her, maybe?"

He looks as if he's half expecting to be told no.

[sai_delgado]

In answer, Susan shifts the baby in her arms, and then moves closer to carefully hold out the sleeping child, smiling up at him.

"Of course thee can, 'Bert."

[key-youth-bert.livejournal.com]

Cuthbert takes Derry and settles her in his arms with probably more carefulness than is strictly necessary.

"This is the right way, right? I suppose if she's still asleep I can't be doing anything too wrong...

[sai_delgado]

"Aye, ye're doing well," she tells him, smiling. "Did'ee-- were thee never around little children, then?"

Derry stirs a little, making a small squeaky noise in her sleep, and Susan reaches out to brush light fingers over her forehead.

[key-youth-bert.livejournal.com]

"Oh, I have. Just...not for quite some time, ye ken?"

He settles back against the couch, relaxing a little.

"I never had any siblings, but an older cousin of mine had a baby when I was sixteen."

[sai_delgado]

It's easy for her to imagine a sixteen-year-old Cuthbert, for that's only a little older than when she'd first known him, say true. Imagining him then with a baby might be harder, were she not seeing him now-- carefully cradling the sleeping Derry as though she were made of glass.

"And thee helped take care, then?" Softly said, and Susan leans her arm on the back of the couch and rests her chin in her hand, watching them together.

[key-youth-bert.livejournal.com]

"Oh, aye. She was from my mother's family--they lived on a ranch outside of Gilead. And when Nessa had her baby, they sent her to live with us in the city."

He can remember what it felt like, back then--a newly-minted gunslinger still caught in the awkwardness of adolescence, torn between eagerness to help out and worry that he might somehow mishandle something that seemed so fragile.

[sai_delgado]

"Were she living with ye long?"

It's more of his family than she's really ever heard before, and she's fascinated.

[key-youth-bert.livejournal.com]

"Two years." And now, Cuthbert's expression is slightly shadowed as he looks down at the sleeping baby. "Her family left New Canaan a little while after she went back to the ranch--things were getting pretty bad by that time, and they were hoping to find a place where it was better."

And Cuthbert and his parents never found out where they went, or what became of them.

[sai_delgado]

She bites her lip, and then moves closer, slipping an arm around Cuthbert's waist and herself also looking down at Derry.

"Mayhap they did." It's softly said, but no less hopeful for all of that.

[key-youth-bert.livejournal.com]

Cuthbert leans over to press a kiss to her temple, smiling a bit ruefully.

"I've always liked to think so."

Even if he knows it's not likely.

[sai_delgado]

Aye, and she knows it well-- their world has moved on, and so many people with it, say true. But there's still the hope that mayhap it were well for them.

She smiles up at him, and then looks down at Derry once more and sings very softly.

Hush, hush, time to be sleeping
Hush, hush, dreams come a-creeping
Dreams of peace and of freedom
So smile in your sleep, bonny baby.

[key-youth-bert.livejournal.com]

Cuthbert closes his eyes and leans his head against hers as he listens to her sing the cradle-song--unfamiliar to him, but still beautiful.

After a few moments, he shifts Derry's weight in his arms again, careful not to wake her. "I think my arm is falling asleep--should we get her settled for the night?"

[sai_delgado]

She laughs a little at this. "We can't have that-- aye, mayhap it'd be best if we did, then."

She pulls away from him and stands up, looking down at them both with a soft smile as she holds out her arms for the baby.

"Would'ee like me to take her?"

[key-youth-bert.livejournal.com]

As he hands Derry over to her, it strikes him, all at once.

This is it. Taking care of another's child for one day, or mayhap a few--this is all they'll ever have.

And it's not that he would consider himself particularly ready for fatherhood, or that the thought would even have entered their minds, at the point they're at...but this is it.

He doesn't know if Susan's thought of this, and doesn't want to bring it up if she hasn't--but he can't quite keep another shadow from crossing his face.

[sai_delgado]

She cradles the sleeping Derry in her arms and looks at him, smiling-- and then sees the shadow, and her smile turns to a frown of concern.

"Are thee well, 'Bert?"

[key-youth-bert.livejournal.com]

He shakes his head slightly, and smiles. "I'm fine, say true."

[sai_delgado]

She looks at him for a moment, then smiles back.

"If thee say it, then."

Derry makes a small noise, and Susan looks down at her again, murmuring,

"Shh, baby-bunting, baby dear-- there's naught that need trouble thee."

[key-youth-bert.livejournal.com]

Cuthbert stands, glancing around the room. "So, where...?"

[sai_delgado]

She also glances around, then nods to the chest-of-drawers standing against one wall.

"There -- we can take one out, they're very large -- make a nest with folded blankets, and it'll serve well enough as a cradle, say true."

[key-youth-bert.livejournal.com]

"Good idea--that'll do us fine, I think."

And as Susan has an armful of baby, Cuthbert sets about preparing the makeshift cradle, with spare blankets from the closet.

When it's ready, he sets it on the floor beside the bed.

[sai_delgado]

She kneels beside the cradle and carefully puts Derry in it, tucking a loose fold of blanket over her as the baby makes a little noise not unlike a kitten and settles further into sleep.

Susan brushes gentle fingers over the child's cheek, then sighs and stands up again, turning to look up at Cuthbert with a smile.

"That's done, then-- she'll be well there, I think."

And oh, her smile is soft and mayhap unconsciously wistful.

[key-youth-bert.livejournal.com]

"Aye."

Cuthbert's smile holds the same wistfulness as he watches her settle Derry. As she stands again, he moves forward, taking her in his arms.

And mayhap he'll regret this--mayhap it's better left unsaid--but part of him suddenly wants her to know what he feels.

"You would've made a wonderful mother."

[sai_delgado]

She freezes-- and then her arms go around him in return, and she clings tightly.

She struggles for words, finding none for a bit-- and Susan's voice is soft and choked when she finally manages to say,

"Ka like a wind."

Susan tilts her head back, looking up at him, and her faint smile is very sad.

"And it weren't fair to any of us."

[key-youth-bert.livejournal.com]

"No. None of us."

He raises one hand to her cheek, and leans forward to kiss her forehead.

"Say sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."

[sai_delgado]

She shakes her head a little, looking up at him.

"Thee didn't, 'Bert. Thee startled me, aye, but-- thee didn't upset me."

[key-youth-bert.livejournal.com]

He smiles down at her apologetically, still cupping her cheek.

"I just--when I gave her to you just now, it really hit me for the first time. We'll never--not that we'd be ready for something like that, anyway, but--"

He sighs and glances aside, unable to say what he really wants to.

[sai_delgado]

She is very still in his arms, for Susan hasn't allowed herself to look to the future. To their future. Not after what had happened before, for her--

(the world has moved on)

--for all of them, really.

Very hesitantly, she says, "Ye say true, 'Bert. We-- we can't. I can't-- can't carry -- even if thee were-- were alive, I couldn't--"

[key-youth-bert.livejournal.com]

"Shh. It's alright."

He brings his other hand up now as well, framing her face and looking directly into her eyes.

"We have each other. That's what matters. The rest..." he pauses, searching for words once more, "...I suppose I'll always regret what we can't have, but I won't let that stop me from being glad of what we do."

[sai_delgado]

Tears fill her fog-gray eyes, but she blinks them back, searching his face-- and then Susan stretches up and kisses him.

When she pulls back a little, she is trembling slightly in his arms, but her soft words are very clear.

"I love thee, Cuthbert Allgood. I love thee, and I'll love thee forever, say true."