(no subject)

[sai_delgado]

She comes back to her room from the bar, but she's not yet tired enough-- nor is her mind quiet enough, say true-- to sleep.

Susan feeds a few peanuts to Joanie, and then watches in amusement as the tinyphant returns to playing with her plastic dinosaurs. She sits down at her desk, then, and begins to make note of the day's records in the stable accounts.

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[key-youth-bert.livejournal.com]

Cuthbert passes by Susan's door on the way to his own room, after his palaver with Jake. Funny how he doesn't strictly need to pass her door to get to his own. But hey, as long as he's here, he may as well stop by, right?

He knocks on the door, gently, in case she's already asleep.

[sai_delgado]

She looks up from her records-- it's late, so she doesn't call out. Leaving the ledger open on the desk, Susan crosses to the door and opens it.

"'Bert--" She opens the door wider, smiling at him. "Would'ee come in?"

[key-youth-bert.livejournal.com]

Cuthbert smiles warmly at her as he steps into the room, then glances at the ledger on the desk.

"I'm not disturbing you, am I?"

[sai_delgado]

She shakes her head.

"Nay -- I were only writing up the day's reports; nothing of real note."

Susan looks very carefully at him suddenly, remembering an earlier conversation.

"How do'ee fare?"

[key-youth-bert.livejournal.com]

Before answering, Cuthbert takes a step closer and presses a kiss to the top of her head, his hands coming to rest on her shoulders.

"Well enough...and thee?"

[sai_delgado]

She puts her arms around his waist and tilts her head back to smile up at him, mayhap somewhat relieved to hear this.

"I'm well, 'Bert, say true."

[key-youth-bert.livejournal.com]

He wraps his arms around her and leans his forehead against hers, and just stands like that for a moment. He seems content, if a bit tired.

Three things weighing on his mind right now, all of them things he's not sure if it's a good idea to talk to her about or not.

Finally, he goes with what's hopefully the best option.

"I talked to Roland, the other night. Have--have ye seen him, since he came back?"

[sai_delgado]

She is quiet for a moment, still in his embrace, but then she nods.

"Aye -- I spoke with him this even."

[key-youth-bert.livejournal.com]

He pulls back a bit, looking at her carefully. It doesn't seem as if things went too badly...although that's not necessarily a guarantee that they went well.

Quietly, and mayhap a bit cautiously, "I told him I thought he'd been wrong to speak to you as he did."

[sai_delgado]

"He must have agreed with ye, 'Bert," she says quietly, looking up at him. "For he cried my pardon, for what were said in temper."

Not for the words, for those were true, but for the saying of them.

[key-youth-bert.livejournal.com]

"Aye?" He looks down at her with a faintly hopeful expression. "Are things better than they were between you, mayhap?"

[sai_delgado]

She nods, smiling as she does so.

Simply, then: "They are, aye. It's well, I think, or as can be ever, mayhap."

[key-youth-bert.livejournal.com]

"Aye." He leans against her again, closing his eyes for a moment.

"I asked him if he knew that we would help him if we could...even though mayhap we can't."

He sighs, and then looks down at her again. "As well as can ever be, aye."

[sai_delgado]

She frowns a little, more concerned now for his sake, and brings one hand up to touch his cheek gently.

"Thee said aright, and we would, aye, all of us would --"

They have before, after all, oh aye.

"--and that's all we can do, 'Bert, isn't it?"

[key-youth-bert.livejournal.com]

Cuthbert brings his own hand up to cover hers, and smiles, although mayhap a bit sadly.

"Aye. We'll do what we can, and that's all we can do."

He squeezes her hand briefly, and then pulls back from her, moving across the room to sink down on the couch. The smile is gone, fading as quickly as it came.

"Have...have ye seen Jake, of late?"

[sai_delgado]

Oh, and she knows what he must be about to say to her now.

Susan knows it very well, and so she crosses the room to sit beside him, and her soft words are sad and resigned.

"He's told thee, then?"

[key-youth-bert.livejournal.com]

She knows, then.

Cuthbert nods wordlessly, and holds out both hands to her.

[sai_delgado]

She takes his hands, curling her fingers around his, and glances aside for a moment, gathering herself.

(Why would you cry for me? 'Tis but another transition.)

She takes a deep breath and then looks up at Cuthbert, saying,

"He-- he seems well enough with it."

[key-youth-bert.livejournal.com]

Another sad smile, and he nods.

"Aye. He's a brave lad, and a true gunslinger."

And they're going to lose him. Lose him again, in the case of Roland and Eddie and Susannah.

[sai_delgado]

"Aye."

So softly, so very softly. For it is a loss and a grief now and to come, for all of them, and a tearing one indeed.

Susan remembers very well how drawn and unhappy and worn Roland had been in her first days here, when Jake lay unconscious and quiet.

(this place is hell)

"Ka is cruel, betimes."

[key-youth-bert.livejournal.com]

"Aye."

And part of him is still crying out against the unfairness of it...but Cuthbert is a gunslinger, and much of his life has been submitting to ka when nothing else can be done.

He raises one of her hands to his lips and kisses it, not knowing what else to say.

[sai_delgado]

"But mayhap not-- it won't be forever, do'ee ken?"

It is the only hope she has to cling to, and so she offers it to him as if in prayer.

"He's -- he's moved on before--"

(as have you and I and Alain and Eddie)

"-- and we were able to meet him here."

[key-youth-bert.livejournal.com]

Cuthbert finds it harder to reach for that hope, but he nods, and manages a small smile.

"Mayhap. Even if we never see him again here...well, there are other worlds than these."

And as settled as their lives here are, there's always been the sense that Milliways is only a waystation, for them. One more stop along the path, before they reach the clearing.

[sai_delgado]

"Thee says true, 'Bert."

Silence between them, for a little, as they sit together with hands linked, each thinking similar thoughts.

(there is a place that waits for all of us in the end)

[key-youth-bert.livejournal.com]

Cuthbert sits in silence for a long moment.

He wishes he could leave it there, wishes he didn't have to tell her what else is on his mind. But to not tell her would be far worse, and he knows it.

And so, finally, he speaks again, quietly.

"Does thee know Andrew, Sue?"

[sai_delgado]

She looks up at him, thinking-- and after a moment, shaking her head.

"Nay-- I don't think I've met any --"

"-- but I think I've heard the name; Meg's close to him, aye?"

[key-youth-bert.livejournal.com]

"Aye. And--he's the one from Faith's world, who tried to go after her that night."

He studies Susan carefully, waiting to see how she reacts to the mention of Faith.

[sai_delgado]

A shadow crosses her face, but she nods.

"The one who opened-- who opened the door, then."

[key-youth-bert.livejournal.com]

Cuthbert nods, and presses on.

"He--and Tim, and others, I think--are trying to find another way of going after her. And if they can...if they find a way..."

He hesitates again, then looks at her steadily.

"I've offered to go with them, and give what help I can."

[sai_delgado]

"Aye-- Ace told me that Tim had tried, and she were here, for a second, and that the Dream-lord was furious at what..."

She trails off there, staring at him, as all the color drains from her face.

"Thee-- thee what?"

[key-youth-bert.livejournal.com]

Cuthbert winces slightly at her reaction, but doesn't take his eyes from hers.

"She'd do the same, if it was anyone here she cared about. I know it'll be dangerous, but..."

[sai_delgado]

(if he hurt you? I'd grind him into powder with a song in my heart)

She nods, as her hold on his hand tightens, helplessly.

"She would, aye-- and she's a Slayer -- she'd--"

And Cuthbert Allgood is a gunslinger of Gilead. Susan understands, oh very well indeed, even as she is shaking her head.

"But -- 'Bert, how can thee hope to--" A breath. "How can thee leave, and come back?

[key-youth-bert.livejournal.com]

"I've heard that those who are dead can leave to go to the worlds of others, and be able to return."

He frees one hand to touch her cheek, still gripping her other had tightly.

"I'd not leave thee if I thought I wouldn't be able to come back, Sue. Not even for Faith."

But he can't bring himself to say not for anything, for he knows, deep down, that there are things he would leave her for, if they weren't out of his reach.

(I chose the Tower...)

[sai_delgado]

She looks up at him as he caresses her cheek, gray eyes dark and troubled, and then Susan moves suddenly, wrapping her arms around him and holding tightly as she puts her head against his chest, listening to the beat of his heart.

Her words are low and fierce, and her voice is shaking.

"Promise me. Promise me that thee will come back, somehow."

[key-youth-bert.livejournal.com]

For a moment, he freezes, startled by the sudden motion. Then, he wraps his arms around her, burying his face in her hair.

He knows that if he goes after Faith, it'll be dangerous. He's seen some of what they'll face, and likely not the worst of it.

But it's one thing to face that risk on his own, and another to ask her to face it.

So he whispers fiercely, "I promise, Sue. I'll come back."

[sai_delgado]

This fear, this worry-- it is all too familar, in the worst of ways. She feels sick, thinking about it. And there will be little she can do now, she knows, save as Ace had said -- to sit. To hope. To wait.

Again.

(everything the Way of the Eld is not)

Somewhere deep within her, a resolution is born, although she sets it aside for the present as she tilts her head back to look up at him.

"And I'll believe thee. Only come back to me."

[key-youth-bert.livejournal.com]

He nods, face still pressed against her hair, then pulls back and kisses her.

When the kiss finally breaks, he leans his forehead against hers again, his eyes closed.

"I love thee, Susan."

[sai_delgado]

"Oh, Cuthbert." She brings one hand up to rest at the nape of his neck, and continues softly, but with utter certainty,

"And I love thee."

She tilts her head slightly in order to kiss him once more.

[key-youth-bert.livejournal.com]

He deepens the kiss and lets the moment draw out, his hands coming up to bury themselves in her hair.

He knows that giving a promise like that, and meaning it with all his heart, isn't always the way it works. He knows that if ka chooses to seperate him from Susan, there'll be precious little he can do to stop it.

And he knows that knowing that won't prevent him from fighting ka every step of the way, and with every ounce of strength he has, to stay with her.