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Jul. 26th, 2005 01:10 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sai_delgadoShe leads the way back to her room and opens the door, then walks in and goes to stand near the small sofa.
There she's quiet, waiting, with her arms wrapped around herself. Susan can't quite look at him.
There she's quiet, waiting, with her arms wrapped around herself. Susan can't quite look at him.
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Date: 2005-07-26 07:23 am (UTC)Cuthbert moves to stand beside her, taking her in his arms.
He doesn't have to ask about sai Desire again. Not really.
"You'd rather I didn't know?" It's not really a question.
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Date: 2005-07-26 07:26 am (UTC)"I've-- I've known for a while, 'Bert. I couldn't make-- I couldn't bring myself to tell thee--"
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Date: 2005-07-26 07:29 am (UTC)"Why not?"
There's honest confusion in his voice.
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Date: 2005-07-26 07:32 am (UTC)Susan turns her head to meet his gaze directly, for the first time since Del spoke of it.
"Because I were afraid ye'd-- that ye'd think worse of me."
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Date: 2005-07-26 07:37 am (UTC)Then, perhaps unexpectedly, he laughs.
Quickly, "Say sorry, I shouldn't be laughing at something like this, but--you really thought that?"
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Date: 2005-07-26 07:42 am (UTC)"Aye, I did think it, 'Bert-- with all the trouble--"
(we both know how you are at keeping secrets from loved ones)
"With Anthy, and the duel--"
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Date: 2005-07-26 07:47 am (UTC)Completely serious once again, he keeps hold of her with one arm, tilting her chin up with the other.
"I won't pretend I'm thrilled with the idea. But it's not something you chose, or something you control--and knowing it now doesn't change you any more than coming to know of the Lady changed me."
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Date: 2005-07-26 07:51 am (UTC)Unable to retreat in any other way, she closes her eyes.
"Nay-- he chose me." Softly, oh so softly. "Before I were born, the Dream-lord said."
And now she does open her eyes again, slowly, looking at him. "But it's-- I'm still myself, I wot--"
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Date: 2005-07-26 07:57 am (UTC)There's a note of uncertainty in his voice, at the end.
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Date: 2005-07-26 07:59 am (UTC)"Never. It never could, 'Bert, say true."
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Date: 2005-07-26 08:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-07-26 08:05 am (UTC)Susan throws her arms around him and buries her face in his shoulder, trembling.
"I should have known, I should have trusted that it wouldn't matter to thee-- say sorry, 'Bert, please forgive me--"
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Date: 2005-07-26 08:08 am (UTC)"Shh--shh, it's alright. There's nothing you need to ask forgiveness for."
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Date: 2005-07-26 08:12 am (UTC)"Thee can't tell Roland."
Desperately determined, now, and with utter certainty.
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Date: 2005-07-26 08:15 am (UTC)It's a promise, despite his doubt of her fear.
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Date: 2005-07-26 08:20 am (UTC)"Thee can't. Please, 'Bert. Please--"
She's very near tears now, as she tries to explain.
"He doesn't trust sai Desire, not in the slightest, and he-- he thinks that Desire'd harm-- and I don't want him to know, he wouldn't understand it, he'd think -- thee can't tell him, 'Bert, please--"
(no more secrets)
And even as she says it, she very nearly hears Eddie's mental whisper, and it's all she can do not to break down and give release to the tears that shimmer in the fog-gray eyes.
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Date: 2005-07-26 08:23 am (UTC)He takes her face in his hands, looking into her eyes.
"Thinking ill of of Desire and thinking ill of you are two different things, and if Roland couldn't see that, he'd need some sense knocked into him. But no matter what my thoughts on the matter are, it's not for me to tell him this, and I won't. I swear it."
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Date: 2005-07-26 08:30 am (UTC)"Well, and I'd not want to see that happen, either, 'Bert--"
Again, she does not say, although it hangs in the air unspoken for a moment.
(is it ever my fate to come between them?)
A ragged breath, as she searches his face, and then Susan smiles, small and soft but shining still.
"Oh, 'Bert. I do love thee so. And-- thankee, for this."
For all of it. For everything.
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Date: 2005-07-26 07:26 pm (UTC)"It's not such a shock, really. We're all uneasy around sai Desire in this place, but if you just think about the concept of desire..."
He glances down at her, snd smiles. "After all, I think part of me fell in love with you the first time we met, and then just waited for the rest of me to catch up."
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Date: 2005-07-26 07:51 pm (UTC)Susan reaches up and traces the curve of his smile with gentle fingers-- and oh, but her own smile is soft and yet strangely sad.
"It were yer smile that I remember first, the sweetness of it. Even then."
(if I'd met this one first)
She lets her hand fall away, glancing down and to the side.
"Mayhap it's not a shock, as ye say. I'd just never-- I'd not thought of it so, before."
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Date: 2005-07-26 08:23 pm (UTC)"You remember that day in the market? Me falling all over myself and babbling? And even before that, at Seafront. I wasn't being flippant, there was actual knee-loosening, there."
He leans down again, kissing her temple. "It doesn't change anything, Sue. Just...puts a name to what was already there."
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Date: 2005-07-26 08:46 pm (UTC)"Aye, I remember. Thee made me laugh that night, with yer bold offer to recline at my feet."
She turns back toward him, and oh, but her smile is brightening. "And I remember the market as well, say true."
Susan takes a small step closer, looking carefully at him.
"And thee truly-- thee doesn't mind it?"
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Date: 2005-07-26 08:58 pm (UTC)"I can't say it doesn't make me uneasy, a bit. I was wary of sai Desire already, and this isn't exactly going to make me less wary."
The gunslingers have been at cross purposes with Desire before. If they were again, could hesheit try to use Susan as a bargaining chip?
Cuthbert hopes not. He'd really rather not have to make an Endless his enemy.
"But none of that has any effect on the way I feel about you, and it never could."
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Date: 2005-07-26 09:12 pm (UTC)(you won't repeat what you've heard... to anyone, nor give hints to the truth of it)
Carefully, she tells him, "He-- he said he weren't angry. About-- about the duel." A breath. "He weren't-- weren't pleased, but he said it were for the best."
Another breath, and she glances up at him. "But he-- he thinks well enough of ye, I wot."
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Date: 2005-07-26 09:17 pm (UTC)But neither does he particularly want to think about what he might be in for if Desire thought ill of him.
He nods. "That's as well as may be, then, mayhap."
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Date: 2005-07-26 09:27 pm (UTC)"A name to what was already there," she says softly, with the slightest hint of a wondering question in her tone.
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Date: 2005-07-26 09:40 pm (UTC)He wanted her from the first time he saw her, and never really stopped. Not even when he was at his angriest over the way she and Roland conducted their affair in Mejis--in fact, he's realized that his own desire for her might have been part of that anger. Not even when he and Alain accepted her into their lives with open arms,
(Roland's love is my love)
and not even in their first days together here, when he would embrace her or touch her hand as no more than a friend giving comfort.
There's never been a time when he didn't desire her, on some level. So, with the initial shock wearing off, it only makes sense to him that she is Desire's.
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Date: 2005-07-26 10:00 pm (UTC)(if I'd met this one first)
Oh, but she loves him. Without the need for and aid of ka's wind driving them together, and without having to hide-- Susan loves him, simply and completely, for all that he is and all that he ever has been. And more-- she trusts him, as well, and it's because of that trust that she believes what he's told her now.
(it doesn't change anything)
And that love and that trust are both clear in her eyes as Susan slowly leans forward just enough, closing the distance between them. She puts her arms around Cuthbert and kisses him, with all her heart in the kiss.
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Date: 2005-07-26 10:05 pm (UTC)And when he finally draws back, it's just enough to slide his lips along her cheek and then whisper in her ear, "I love thee, Susan."